My boss' voice literally gives me gas
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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