she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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