I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
