I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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