we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
