I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
