So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
