If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
