omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
