Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
