I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
