You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
