I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
