I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
