So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
