How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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