after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
