420 ftw
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
