Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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