what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
