Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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