Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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