dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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