he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
