my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
