ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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