I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
