those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
