it's great music for shaving your balls
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
