Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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