is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
