You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
the day after is always just damage control
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
