I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Randomize
