I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
