Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
