i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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