shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
