theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I have peed in a lot of sinks
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
