you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She bit a glass in half.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
