with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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