idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
