So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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