check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize