just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
