I think I died a long time ago.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize