She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize