she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
