I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
