Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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