I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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