I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
