Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
