I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
