think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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