I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
