Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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