Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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