I'm gonna have a badass scar
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
