Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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