And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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