i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
