i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
