Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
