can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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