It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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