hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
