omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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