ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
