my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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