I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
