I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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