I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
