i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
