you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
