Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
